a Sad Country Ballad for a Tired Superhero

I hate it when people talk about time. All of that "Carpe Diem", "every moment is precious","live your life" stuff. You know what, screw you. It all sounds so inspirational but there are certain realities that we just can't avoid. I have school work to do, when I'm not doing that I have a job that I have to put up with to pay for that school work (well, I will), I have cleaning and obligations. These are not things that I would be doing if I had a choice. And once I'm finally finished working and can relax I end up feeling like a lazy jerk for spending my time watching TV on the couch. I would love to travel and adventure, have experiences, but it's not an option for me all of the time.

So who are you to make me feel like I'm taking my life for granted because of it? You're probably not any better. Talking about every second that passes, we'll never get it back. Well, what was so special about that second? Sometimes great things happen to us, sometimes those seconds are meaningful. We need to learn to appreciate those special seconds rather than spend our time lamenting over the lame seconds. We can't be having sweeping, epic experiences all of the time so stop worrying about it. Why don't you just do something productive? Maybe after you've worked hard enough you can afford those experiences that you want so desperately to have. Once you've acutally accomplished something you can do work that you love and every day will be the excitement that you're looking for.

Or maybe, instead of complaining about the futility of life you can practice what you preach. While I may think that you'll just exhaust yourself, why don't you just go for it? Get out the door, do something eventful. If you want your life to change then change it! Don't just sit around waiting for experiences, go out and get them! They're not waiting for you. They're having too much fun. It's up to you. If you want something out of life then you're going to have to make something out of it.

Hey, my blood type is O positive. Isn't that cool? I'm the universal donor! However I can only accept other O types. I just got back my donor card from the blood clinic with my information on it. The actual blood donation was 2 weeks ago. It didn't actually go very well. They hooked me up to the thing and I didn't last very long. I felt pretty nauseated so they took it out right away. I actually feel really bad that I pulled out so early, I didn't really want them too, I wanted to finish, but I also wanted to nausea to go away. I'm still deciding if I'll do it again. I figure I should (after all, I am O+). And it may have just gone so badly because it was my first time. Now I know what to expect. I'll speculate.

Watchmen comes out tomorrow! I'm going with Sara and Teila and Keelan after school. I'm deffinitely more excited than I probably should be. I should know by now not to expect so much from movies based on books. I'm almost always dissapointed. This bloody book is all that I think about any more. I come home and say to my sister "I was thinking about Watchmen today and..." and then I give her some profound question that causes us to ponder. I've been recaping the book recently. I would say that it's better the second or third time around. You notice more, pick up on things that you didn't before. It's crazy the amount of things that you miss the first time.

I've applied for University. Isn't that crazy? I had to apply to U of W before March 1 to be eligible for the scholarships. The more I think about it the more I don't really want to go to Winipeg. Sometimes I actually think that I would prefer to go to the U of C. I'm trying to let go of it though. Whatever should happen will happen. I don't have any money and can't afford to live not in Calgary but I'm kind of leaving that up to God, I can't handle it on my own.

New Supernatural tonight! New Castiel! Oh, how empty the past couple of weeks have been.

I have the next five days off from school, which is the worst possible thing that could happen to me right now. I just don't have time to be taking extra long weekends. I figure that I'll use today to relax and the following four days will be spent doing home work. This is the first time I've been allowed to sleep in for three and a half weeks. It was beautiful. Anyway, I think I'll spend tomorrow at the library, getting down to work.

My dad actually agreed to take me consignment store hopping. I decided that I wanted to get my grad dress from a consingment store but I'm kind of reconsidering. It's just so hard to find something that I like and also fits at consignment stores. However, I'm also adament about not spending a lot on grad. I think that the entire thing is a conceited, self-absorbed opportunity for us to feel good about ourselves. I'm uncomfortable with that and all the money that's spent on it while there are people starving on street corners. So, I would like to get a really cheap grad dress and donate the left over money somewhere where it will be put to good use. When I was in grade 9 I considered getting my dress from Wal-Mart. I may revisit that idea. I just want something cute, that has personality and isn't so over-the-top. Classic, I think is the key word, like Audrey Hepburn.

I finished watching all of Supernatural. I've officially seen every episode. Hey, that comes on tonight. I'd better remember. The episode synopsis says that Dean has a ghost disease. This should be interesting.

I got my haircut yesterday. It's really cute, I like it a lot. It's quite short, sort of bob-ish. It looks really nice with my hats.

We had a prayer meeting at church today. It was kind of fun. We had sort of a "seminar" on prayer at church last year. This year we just sat together and prayed. It was actually really nice. It sounds really boring but it's nice just to spend some time in community and with God. I just feel really good about it. 

I think that I've decided what I'm taking in University. Emily and I went to talk to the Career Counselor at school about the rest of our lives. I mentioned that I wanted to take Political Sciences and so we were looking at my options there. Then I brought up that I would really like to help people, doing humanitarian work and such things and she turned me onto the Development Studies program at the U of C. It's all about learning what's happening in Africa and poverty and hunger and how to deal with it. It's perfect. I'd still like to take some Political Sciences courses so I think I can minor in that and major in Development Studies. Anyway, I haven't been able to find this course in any other University so I might end up sticking it out in Calgary. Agh, this is so frustrating.

The zoo is hiring. I really need to get a job, Deb worked there when she was my age and she loved it. And with the new train station opening really soon it would be much easier to get there. When it gets warmer I might look into it.  

Welcome to the new world. This feels more like the New Year than January 1st did. I'll make my resolutions now instead.

Teila's been getting on my case for caring so much about the American election. She claims that I'm just jumping on the band wagon and that as a Canadian I really shouldn't care that much. The thing is that I honestly believe that the ruler of America has more influece over us than the ruler of Canada. We are going to do what the President wants no matter who's Prime Minister. Maybe I'm speaking too soon, Harper and Obama do have an upcoming meeting about the environment. If Obama brings up cutting oil drilling Harper might start to cry. That'd be really funny.

In case anyone missed the inaugural speech (which was amazing) here it is on YouTube:




"Why should there not be a patient confidence in the ultimate justice of the people? Is there any better or equal hope in the world?"
-- Abraham Lincoln, from his inaugural address

Happy last-full-day-of-Bush's-presidency! Don't pretend that you're not excited. This is like, the second best day of my life, after tomorrow, which I anticipate to be the best. As I was leaving school today Mr Bryant asked if I was going to be coming in at any point tomorrow and I told him that I was taking the whole day off and he said "Okay, so you'll be barack on Wednesday," and it made me laugh.

Actually, taking the day off tomorrow is the worst idea I could have. I really don't have time and I really have work to do but there's no way that I'm missing this. There's a celebration at the university that I kind of want to go to but I think I would rather stay home and listen to the speech properly. There are  a couple of parties in the evening but they're all at pubs and bars. I'll make some cupcakes instead.

I wrote a religion test today! That's just about the extension of my productivity. Religion tests are so silly, they're almost fun because they're so easy and I'm getting units for doing it. However, if it weren't for religion I would have had time to work on math.

I really think that after yesterday I earned Mr. Bryant's respect. Not that he didn't respect me before, only that now he's really realized that I'm serious about Social. He was showing me in the newspaper that they had published some famous "Bushisms" and we discussed. Talking about how it would have been funny if it wasn't that he was the president for the last eight years.

I also happen to think that I'm actually loosing my mind, in all seriousness. I was working in the library when I heard someone behind me say my name. It sounded like my friend Michaela, so I responded, "Yes?" but no one said anything. So I turned around and no one was there. I deffinitely heard something, I could hear it ringing in my ears and it sounded like "they" were right behind me, to my right. It's actually one of my biggest fears, hearing voices. If I loose my mind they won't let me go to university, I'll be a burden to my parents for the rest of our lives, and the voices might tell me to do bad things. I'm concerned.

By the way, I got a new layout! I quite like it. I had to make the background, the original one was just white and that was boring.

Mr. Bryant is so cute. Today at check in I was talking with him about how excited I am about Obama's inauguration on Tuesday. We were talking about past speeches and he quizzed me on "What was JFK's famous line?" (and he's so lucky that I knew that or else I would be really annoyed that he was quizzing me on things that I didn't actually have to know).* So, when I went to my TA appointment he had printed off for me a copy of Abraham Lincoln's inauguration speech. The speech is actually kind of hard to follow. Especially since I'm not very well versed on American history. Anyway, I mentioned to him that the ceremony is at, like, noon so he gave me permission to take the day off of school. And my mom is actually considering ordering a cake. I'm looking forward to it.

 Would anyone happen to know if Pushing Daisies is due to come back ever? I realize that it's been officially cancelled but they're supposed to be airing the episodes that they filmed. Are they finished with those episodes?

Speaking of which, I think that Supernatural comes back tonight. I should check that...yes it is. It's a good thing that I thought of that. Yay! I've been needing a Castiel fix. I had a dream about him the other night. I don't remember much other than being on a bus.

*By the way, the line is "Ask not what your country can do for you but ask what you can do for your country."

I spent over half of my day in band today. It was really frustrating because I really don't have time for that right now. The first hour was just the general band class and then I had to practice for about an hour and a half to get ready for the repertoire test that Mr. Herard had suddenly decided to start doing. He makes us sit down with him and play through a bunch of songs. The test wasn't fun but it's done now. And then I had to eat lunch really fast and go to a sectional. I was just so tired and out of breath by the end of it. It was rough. And then I had to spend the rest of the day working on math. It was a long day.

I'm thinking about having an inauguration party on Tuesday. I really wanted to go down to Washington but I couldn't quite talk my parents into it. But I feel like there must be celebrating. The thing about having a party is that there are only certain people that I could invite. You know, the ones who actually like Obama. I don't like excluding people. The other thing is that I'd really like to listen to his speech and once you gather enough people in one room you are not likely to hear the TV. I was thinking about ordering a cake from Dairy Queen with his face on it. I was also thinking about making cup cakes and spelling out "GOBAMA" on them. I'll think of something.

Frost/Nixon is finally playing in Calgary. It's only playing in one theatre though. On the other side of town on top of everything else. I'll get there. I'm going to see this bloody movie.

I just finished watching the first episode of 24. I couldn't watch it last night because I had a church thing (not That Church Thing). My mom tried to tape it but it didn't work. Thank God for the internet. (Major Spoilers to follow) What in heaven's name happened to Tony? First of all, I totally don't buy the whole "was dead" thing. It's just that, for him to fake his own death and not tell anyone, even Jack, then he must have been in on this terrorist business since then. I don't remember much about what happened when he "died" so I couldn't try and pin point what was going on with him. And he's just so creepy looking now! But, I totally called the "home grown" terrorist thing. Even though the entire set up seems to be behind that African guy. The next episode comes on tonight which I'm excited about. So far it's not as bad as I was expecting. The last couple of seasons have been really very dissapointing. The show hasn't been on for 2 years so I guess it gave the writers a chance to collect themselves. I still miss Palmer. I'm just throwing that out there.

The church thing last night was actually kind of fun. James just invited all the "young people" to his house. We played games and ate snacks. There are some really interesting new people that I hadn't met before last night. I'm actually quite trilled to have them around. They seem like those kind of people that I always want to try and get to know but don't because I'm afraid they won't like me. Wow, I didn't realize that I was that self concious. Anyway, I know them now, they're all very friendly.

I'm rethinking the whole Winnipeg thing. Alicia's deffinitely going to a school in BC whose name I can't spell. I'm annoyed with her. Leaving me for BC. In that sense I would like to go away to make me feel better about loosing her. But it's just so cold. And I'm not really that interested in the schools there. I think I would almost rather the program were in Ontario. Then I could at least go to Laurier.  

I may have mentioned but I don't remember. I finished reading Watchmen a couple of days ago. I am excited for the movie and I was watching the trailers on YouTube and people kept comparing it to Batman. That made me think. Watchmen is really philosphical and really makes you think and I would say that the new Batman movies have really started in that vein as well. It's just interesting how deep things have become. I did hear that Alan Moore, who wrote Watchmen, also wrote a Batman graphic novel that The Dark Knight  is supposed to be heavily influenced by. But considering how trite Batman movies used to be they've really stepped up. And now that they're finally making the Watchmen movie I'm beginning to wonder if the world has just become more philosophical. It just seems like silly little storylines don't quite cut it anymore. I wonder why that is. What is it that has influenced this generation in such a deep way? 

This has been a long week. I spent almost all of it working on one unit of bio. But I wrote that test and it's done now. I get to spend this weekend working on Religion and Math. Frig, I have to do Social too. Agh, I don't have time to be on the computer. Oh well.

I just found out...

( Cut for spoilers )

What a crazy day this has been. Completely. I spent most of it being stressed out. I already noted how I was not allowed to finish my social test so I talked to Mr. Bryant about it. Then my worst fear was realized and he told me to talk to Mr. Bagoki. Now, I love Mr. Bagoki, I really do, he and I share a love of the Beatles. However, I'm afraid of him. I think that everyone is. So, Emily spoke to him about our situation. He marked them both as they were and we both got 86% but he offered to go over the test with us and see if we couldn't up our mark at all. So we did, and the hours leading up to that made up most of the stress of my day. Anyway, I upped my mark by 7% and ended up with a 93% which is brilliant. Even as we were going over it he would look at some of the questions and was like "Why did I dock you there?" and fixed it.

In further Social news I wrote an essay test a few days before school ended and I did not feel good about this test at all. I was completely unimpressed with myself. I didn't even mark off in my agenda that I had written it because I was so ashamed. Anyway, I got the mark back today and have decided that our Social teachers are crazy. Ms. Jarabek marked it and she gave me 100%. She even asked if they could use it as an example on our school website. It's ridiculous! She made a specific note about what a "clear analysis" it was. As I was writing it I thought that it was going to come out like mush. I'm actually really happy. I was pretty sure that those last two tests were going to completely screw up my social mark altogether. Jesus does love me.

I've been reading Watchmen. What an intense story! It's really deep. I wasn't expecting all of this. I'm just over half way through. I'm actually getting quite excited for the movie. Hopefully I won't have to do as much thinking. Jeffery Dean Morgan is in it and he's sweet.

I really think that I need to get a job. I desperately don't want to but I need to go to University at some point. I just don't want to split my energies between school and work right now. Phil's coming to our church next week and it sounds like he has news about the whole Winnipeg thing. Bleh, I don't want to live in Winnipeg.

I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with the most awful headache. I think that I was grinding my teeth or something because my jaw was clenched really hard. Even after I woke up I had to concentrate in order to keep it from clenching. I think it was a result from some unsettling dreams. I don't really remember specifically what happened but I remember a combination of Supernatural and the X Files. I remember trying to fall back asleep and seeing this alien thing. Anyway, I took some tylenol and was okay when I woke up but it's back now. Actually, most of me hurts right now. What a great way to spend the last couple days of my break.

I was supposed to start and finish both a math and religion unit over the break. I didn't bother to open either of them until today and learnt that I forgot to get the required booklets from school. I'm unhappy. And screwed.

Happy 2009. It's no secret that I'm not a fan of New Years. I don't buy into the celebration of it. We usually have a fondue but I ask "Why can't we have fondue whenever we want? Why do we have to wait until New Years Eve?" People talk about the new year and being a "clean slate" and all that but I am the same amount behind in school now as I was 2 weeks ago. It being 2009 hasn't changed that at all.

Anyway, despite my dislike I went over to Sara's house to celebrate. It wasn't much of a celebration considering we feel the same way about it. But we watched Harvey and a lot of Supernatural. I finished the first season so we started the second and now she's lent that one to me. Anyway, we had fondue and that was nice. Then we made cookies.

We woke up this morning and were generally bored. We watched more Supernatural and then we decided to wander downtown and do a little shopping. However, being New Years day nothing was open so we thought we'd just drive around until something interesting happened. It was actually quite relaxing until we approached the cemetary. We thought we'd get out and look around but the snow was too deep so we went back to the car. We started driving out but there wasn't really a road so we were trudging through the snow until we got stuck. We are pretty sure that we upset some restless spirits that were trying to capture us. We ended up calling her parents to tow us out. I have to admit, I'm a little paranoid about going to sleep tonight. Those angry spirits might come back to finish the job. Or else I'm just watching too much Supernatural. All the same I think I might throw some salt around my door and window tonight.

I'm actually getting really paranoid these days. It seems like whenever I'm not watching Supernatural or the X files I'm thinking about Doctor Who. It's because in the X files, you know, Mulder is always trying to convince people to believe him and he always seems to make sense to me so somewhere along the lines I've begun to believe him. I'm also pretty sure that the character of the Doctor actually exists. It's actually gotten a little out of hand. 

Anyway, since no one was home last night my family is celebrating tonight. We ordered chinese and we're having a chocolate fondue later on.  

Merry Christmas! I realize that it was yesterday but the sentiment still stands.

Rather an uneventful Christmas but most of them are at my house. I woke up and watched the Disneyland Christmas Day Parade which has almost become a tradition. We opened our gifts but Teila and I didn't really ask for anything so it was a quiet opening ceremony. My parents did however buy me the Bealtes Monopoly game which is sweet. Teila bought me Firefly, so I'm excited to own that.

And now it is Boxing Day. I've decided not to go shopping in protest. Did you hear that on Black Friday in the States there was a Wal-Mart greeter that was trampled to death? I don't want to be a part of that. I was going to use today to go see Frost/Nixon but it looks like it hasn't come out in Calgary yet. I'm really upset, I was really looking forward to it. So, I don't actually have anything to do today. Except be sad that everyone in England got to watch Doctor Who yesterday and I didn't. But it should be okay, I think I found it on the internet.

School is officially out and I am officially stressed. I don't have time for Christmas break. Ultimately I would rather have been given maybe 3 days off for Christmas. I don't have time for all of this relaxing. It's stressful.

Also Friday was the freaking worst day ever of my life (okay, not really). We only had half a day but I had to write a test. So I tried to fit it all in but the testing center closed and they wouldn't let me finish the bloody test. Then I had no way of getting home because Brendan is a jerk and decided he wanted to do something else after school. I couldn't take the bus because I didn't have any money. I tried calling my family but no one was home. Emily ended up taking care of me and letting me hang out at her house. The problem with that is that she lives on the other bloody side of the city. I ended up taking the train home from there, almost losing my toes in the process. I also missed this Operation Christmas Child thing that my sister set up that I really wanted to go to.

The one redeeming thing about that day is that at Emily's house we had a tea party with a couple of people that she knows. They were really super nice and fun and I had a really good time. So, I had to try and focus on that for the rest of the night.

Anyway, day before Christmas eve! I've spent all day baking. I tried to make some sort of ice cream pie, we'll see how that turns out. It's been good. It's really beginning to feel like Christmas. It's all white outside and I've been wrapping presents. I'm sad that it will be over come Friday. But on Friday I'm going to see Frost/Nixon which I'm excited for.

Our school had a lock down today. It wasn't nearly as scary as it probably should have been. I was in the library so we just had to sit in a corner and read for a couple of hours. Then the police came and evacuated us to the gym. We sat there for another couple of hours. The day mostly consisted of sitting and being bored. I really wasn't worried, I figured that after the first hour if nothing had happened by then then nothing was likely to happen.

They say that what happened was that a girl in our school recently broke up with her boyfriend who was a bit of a psychopath. Anyway he and his friends threatened her and then some people saw them in our school so they called a lock down. They say that no arrests have been made. I'm really okay. People keep asking me how I'm doing like I've been traumatized for life.

If anything I'm really annoyed that they threw off all of my plans for the day. They didn't let us leave the school until about 5:30 and Sara and Emily and I were supposed to go shopping. And then the school play was at 7, which they still held. So we just went to grab something to eat and then went back to school.

So, that's probably the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me. Even that was kind of lame.

So, Stephen Harper got to keep his precious government for the time being. They've suspended parliament, resuming in late January. Thus ignoring the economic crisis all in a bid to hold on to power. There was a pro-coalition rally going on today that I really wanted to go to but I couldn't find anyone to take me. Protest rallies are not a popular "night out" event.

I also just wanted to point out that Stephen Harper has been known to support a coalition here and there:

In September 2004, Harper wrote to then-governor general Adrienne Clarkson to argue that she should "consider all your options" if the Liberal minority of Paul Martin was to fall on a confidence vote.
"We respectfully point out that the opposition parties, who together constitute a majority in the House, have been in close consultation," Harper wrote.
Harper co-signed the letter with Layton and Bloc Quebecois Leader Gilles Duceppe.

And just an example of how much I love Jack Layton:

 

Harper has refused "to face the people of Canada through their elected representatives," Layton told reporters in Ottawa.
"Instead, unfortunately, he's used a manoeuvre to escape accountability. That is an attack on democracy, and we cannot have confidence in someone who could do such a thing," said Layton.

I think that we would really get along were we ever to meet.

In other way-less-important news, today was practically the hardest day of my life. I was really just exhausted and had to work on math and it was hard and I don't get it. And I had maybe the worst TA appointment of my life. It was all heavy because Christmas break is coming up and I was too tired to think of actual responses to Mr. Bryant's questions. I think he may have actually lost all confidence in me today.

And last night was our Christmas band concert. People tell me that it went well but I don't feel like it did. But I've spent soooooOO much time on music the past couple weeks that I'm just excited that it's over. I don't have to stress about it again until April. When we go to New York. That will be a gong show for sure. We'll be playing with actual American bands that practice for hours every day and have money. We'll look like fools. Mr. Herrard needs to realize that he isn't conducting the philharmonic here.
 

I just need to express my general frustration with Canadians for a moment. Specifically Albertans. For those of you who do not now, here in Canada we recently had an election where the Conservative party was elected with a minority government. Stephen Harper recently released his economic policy dealing with the pressing recession. I'm not completely clear on the details but the impression I was given was that rather than provide some sort of financial stimulus he decided that they could get the necessary money by cutting funding for the political parties. This sounds selfless of him other than the fact that it would effectively bankrupt his opposition.
Here, Rick Mercer explains it better than I do:


And so, since the conservatives suck the 3 main opposition parties are poised to form a coalition government. This is where they all join forces and throw over Mr. Harper and the conservatives to form their own government because all 3 of them together have more seats than the conservatives do on their own. Now what gets to me is that everyone is freaking out. They're all exclaiming, "What! We just elected the Conservatives! That's who we want to run the country! This is undemocratic!" What they don't seem to realize is that a coalition is the very definition of democracy. An elected minority group of people want this a certain way (conservatives). An elected majority group of people want it another way (everyone else). So, who should have the most say? Well, democracy, and the people that we voted for, tell us that the majority should win out. Everyone in Alberta is freaking out because they think that a left wing government is not going to let us drill for oil anymore and bankrupt us. Do they really think that during a major economic crisis they would abandon one of the countries greatest sources of income?

And this is where Stephen Harper preforms a classic dick move (keep in mind that I don't use such vulgar language very often...or ever). Instead of allowing Canadians their say he may decide to break parliament early for Christmas vacation. Effectively putting the economic crisis on the back burner for a good couple of months. I don't know how much time this guy thinks he has but it seems to me that he's convinced that his staying in power is more important than providing for the people he was elected to protect.

The only way I can see any of this turning out well is if that freaking jerk of a man will just compromise with his opposition, after all that is why there is an opposition. Put your own selfish desires for a stronger government aside and be the leader that we elected you to be. Someone who will take care of us in times of such mind-blowing turmoil.